Sociologist Leah Ruppanner, a professor at the University of Melbourne and author of the book “Exhausted,” told the BBC why women continue to take on most of the mental load involved in managing a household. Despite the fact that men now participate in domestic duties more than ever before, the hidden cognitive work — planning, organizing, emotional regulation, and anticipating family needs — largely remains a woman’s responsibility.
Ruppanner identifies eight types of mental load: from traditional family organization and emotional support to “creating magic” (special moments), caring about safety, relationship hygiene, and even “meta‑care” — reflecting on whether family life aligns with one’s values and long‑term goals. According to her, this work is “boundless” and often invisible, making it one of the main causes of emotional burnout among women.
In her interviews, Ruppanner found that most mothers experience constant overload: they have the energy to respond to emergencies but almost never to opportunities or their own needs. Social expectations that assign women the role of the emotional and organizational “heart of the family” force them to put their own interests last — even when they try to reduce their workload.
The researcher emphasizes that the first step toward change is recognizing that women are not obligated to be responsible for everyone’s feelings or to create a perfect world. She urges couples to openly discuss the division of invisible labor and to learn how to distinguish when support is genuinely needed and when it arises “by default” due to socialization.
Ruppanner is convinced that sharing the cognitive burden improves relationships, reduces stress, and gives women the space to reclaim time for rest and personal growth. “For years we have been convincing women that they should be at the bottom of the list. It’s time to change this mindset,” she concludes.
The European Parliament has backed a resolution confirming that transgender women are women
