Emotions are the first language through which a child learns about the world. They help children recognise needs, adapt to change and build relationships. When adults know how to be in touch with their own feelings, children pick up on this experience and learn to interact with their emotions without fear or shame. Therefore, talking about emotional development is talking about safety, support, and sensitivity, which help children grow.
Brain development and behaviour: why children act impulsively
A child’s emotional development occurs in parallel with their physical development. The limbic system, which is responsible for emotions and autonomous reactions, actively matures between the ages of one and a half and four and a half. The right hemisphere, which helps to process holistic images and emotions, develops between the ages of four and seven. By the age of seven, the neocortex, the centre of rationality, planning and impulse integration, is formed.
Later, the left hemisphere, frontal lobes and corpus callosum develop, providing logic, restraint and complex information processing. The prefrontal cortex only fully matures after the age of twenty. Therefore, children’s impulsive reactions are not about whims or a desire to annoy, but about the immaturity of brain structures that are only learning control and self-regulation. When emotions are strong, thinking is temporarily “turned off.” Tantrums are not about disobedience, but about an overloaded nervous system that needs adult help. Punishment or intimidation at such moments create a sense of danger and replace trust with fear.
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Why prohibiting emotions is detrimental to a child
When a child is shown that their emotions are undesirable, they learn to hide their feelings and please adults in order not to lose love. This creates distance from themselves, an inability to recognise their own needs, and low self-esteem. Love as an action — respect, acceptance, support — creates the foundation for stress resilience and healthy attachment. Research shows that care and tenderness promote the growth of the hippocampus, a structure that helps cope with stress.
How to support your child emotionally: the role of contact and security
Emotional literacy begins with adults. Children imitate what they see: how we speak, listen, and respond to insults or rudeness. Contact, a calm tone of voice, and being present help children feel safe. Simple actions — sitting at eye level, hugging, or holding hands — trigger oxytocin and calm the nervous system. In every difficult situation, the same logic applies: recognise the emotion, name it, allow it to manifest itself, experience it, and gradually move on to reflection. Only after calming down is a child able to think and learn.
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Anger: an emotion with the energy of action
Anger arises when needs are not met or expectations are not fulfilled. It is charged with energy, so it needs a safe outlet. A child cannot hear explanations when they are at the peak of their emotions. First, they need acceptance and an opportunity to release their tension — by screaming, moving, tearing paper. Prohibitions must be consistent: “no” remains “no,” otherwise the connection “tears help get what you want” is formed. When it comes to safety, alternatives do not work; only clear restrictions and support nearby are effective. An adult’s words can be a source of support: “I can see you’re angry. I’m here if you want my help.”
Joy: an emotion worth sharing
Joy deepens closeness. Children laugh hundreds of times a day, adults — much less. Shared moments of fun, dancing, and small joys help a child reinforce feelings of warmth and support. Paying attention to this emotion is just as important as paying attention to complex feelings.
Sadness: a feeling that passes more quickly when it is seen
Grief helps us accept change, breakups, and loss. It diminishes when adults share their attention, do not devalue, and do not compare. For a child, a small thing for an adult can be a big event. It is important to listen, talk, allow crying, and offer closeness. Here is a simple example: a child misses their father who is serving in the military. Talking, shared rituals, or a small gift can help ease this emotion.
Fear: a natural defence mechanism
Fear is linked to the basic need for attachment. When a child is not heard or their feelings are dismissed, they feel threatened by the loss of a loved one. In families where violence is experienced, fears are intensified because home is no longer a safe place. It is important to acknowledge fear, invite conversation, and offer support. Play is a powerful way to cope: hide and seek, building forts, drawing a “scary monster” that becomes funny.
Envy and jealousy: signals about needs
Envy shows desire. Through dialogue, a child learns to understand what exactly they want: attention, time together, an object. Jealousy often concerns siblings and is reminiscent of the fear of losing love. A child needs the presence and undivided attention of their parents, without judgement or comparison. Support in such situations gives a child a sense of stability and importance in the family.
Self-awareness and the power of example
Parental mistakes are part of normal experience. Children learn not from perfection, but from the fact that relationships are not destroyed after mistakes. Adult self-awareness helps to understand one’s own reactions and be a more stable support for the child. Emotions become guidelines that indicate needs and help interact with the world.
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